Nothing
by SlaYeRGiRLkaL
Summary: Set after the ferry boat crash in season 3. Addison couldn't live with herself if Meredith died. She had to live.


Not my best work, but it was just an idea that wouldn't leave me alone. I'm thinking about writing a prequel to this, so let me know if you're interested.

For the purpose of this story Addison is a lesbian, she and Derek were never married and nothing has ever happened with Meredith and Derek either. Mark and Derek are just Addison's friends!

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><p>"You put me down Mark Sloan!" Addison screeched as he held her in his arms a few inches off of the ground. She was kicking emphatically at the air failing to make contact with the man.<p>

"You need to calm down Addie," He growled in her ear as he held her firmly around the waist. She had attracted quite a lot of attention already, she didn't care anymore, but he did. He only had her in his arms now because she'd punched Derek's chest when the man had tried to comfort her and he would undoubtably be bruised tomorrow from the force of her fists. He also wouldn't be surprised if her fists were bruises tomorrow.

"Put me down Mark!" She cried again. She needed to move without restraint. She needed to run. To run back to her lover. She was having none this. Nothing anyone said or did would comfort her. She needed to escape from Mark's restraining grasp. She didn't care if she hurt him she just needed to be free.

Her girlfriend was cold. Dead. How could she stop kicking? She thought as Mark offered to release her if she stilled her legs. They'd argued that morning. How could she live with that? She couldn't. Meredith needed to live. She needed to be warm and breathing and in Addison's embrace. Addison needed to apologize for picking a fight with the sleep deprived blonde that morning. Why had she done that? She didn't mean to. She loved Meredith, she loved her so much.

She'd been weighed down by a ring in a black velvet box for almost a week. She wanted to propose, but Meredith was grumpy. The blonde had been having trouble sleeping since her mother's brief lucidity, every attempt to do something special had been met with reluctance. She didn't know what to do. How did one propose? The last time Addison had, had a relationship that she believed could have progressed towards a proposal had ended 7 years ago after her current captor had fucked her now ex-girlfriend. She hadn't spoken to him for over a year afterwards. She continued pumping her legs wildly through the air at the memory, hoping to make contact with him. Her heel slammed fiercely into his knee and he released her.

"Fuck Addison!" He gasped as he fell to the ground clutching his knee. She didn't stay to see the damage she'd caused she ran back towards Meredith. She was almost there. People were staring at her as she ran back towards the trauma room, but she didn't care. She needed Meredith and nothing else mattered. She was almost there. She would break down the door, she'd tried already before Derek had taken her away, but she would not be stopped this time. Just as she reached out to pound on the door and demand to be let in again two hands grasped her shoulders.

"Alex," She whispered. He had seen the splash that had been Meredith falling into the bay and had gone in after her. He was dry now as he held her in place. She didn't always get along with the intern, but he was her roommate and Meredith's friend.

"You know you can't go in there," His words were soft but firm. Addison nodded. She knew she couldn't go in, knew the Chief would not allow it, but she wanted to be there, she needed Meredith to live. Alex kept his hands on her shoulders and led her away without her even realizing. They sat together on the couch in the Attendings' Lounge. Addison's head had slumped against Alex's shoulder.

"What happened?" She asked after a prolonged period of silence. Addison knew better than anyone else that Meredith could swim. They had spent the brief amount of time between Meredith's graduation from Medical School and her internship on a secluded beach. Addison could not forget Meredith running into the water teasingly telling her that she could have her only if she could catch her. The redhead had nearly hurt herself trying to catch her girlfriend and had to be rescued by the blonde.

"Her foot was caught on something," He answered, relieving her of unspoken fears. Silence fell over the pair again and Alex allowed his roommate to continue lying her head against his shoulder as her breathing steadied. Once he was sure she had calmed down enough he made to stand up and pulled something from the pocket of his lab coat. It was an ice pack, and Addison stared at it quizzically as he squeezed it causing it to crack and shook it before placing it in its wrapping and placing her hands against the instant cold pack. Her hands were trembling. She hadn't realized how much they hurt or how swollen they were until the cold seeped into her aching fingers and palms. She thought of Meredith's ice cold skin as she held the ice pack in her hands and the thought sent her hands retreating into her pockets for warmth.

"Meredith wakes up you're going to ask her," Alex said as he pulled her hands out of her pockets, one of which was wrapped tightly around the black velvet box. He avoided saying if or when, but Addison wasn't paying attention. "You've been fiddling with that box for the last six days Red," He added with a weak grin and a nudge trying to lighten her spirits. She returned the gesture weakly and allowed him to place her hands around the cold pack again. It numbed the pain in her hands, but she couldn't shake the image of Meredith's cold body lying before her. That image caused her more pain than her hands ever could. Alex kneeled before her silently holding the pack to her swollen hands and after an infinite amount of time had passed his pager beeped. It was his Jane Doe. Alex Karev had been a superhero at the crash site and Addison had to let him go and attend to the woman he'd saved, and hope that the other woman he had rescued would make it as well.

It was not long after Alex had left that he returned again, grinning. Meredith was awake and asking for her. Addison took off and as she ran through the halls of the hospital no one held her back. Meredith was lying there blinking stupidly.

"How are you feeling?" Addison asked as she towered next to the bedridden blonde.

"Cold," Meredith whispered holding her hand out for her girlfriend to grasp. Addison made to sit down on her girlfriend's left side. "No," Meredith gasped scooting over to the left and patting her hand against the empty space on her right. Addison lifted the blankets and saw her girlfriend's wrapped left ankle and proceeded to the empty space on the right side of the bed. Meredith took Addison's hands in her own and kissed the redhead's swollen hands. She didn't ask what had happened to them she simply accepted them. Addison relished in the sensation of Meredith's lips against each of her hands.

"Will you marry me?" She asked suddenly, startling the blonde. "I've wanted to ask you all week and I couldn't find the right time, and if you had died and I hadn't gotten to ask, you scared me. I love you so much and I, I couldn't live knowing that I had missed the opportunity to ask you, and will you marry me Meredith?" The words hit Meredith like a verbal wall. Addison had spoken so quickly, she might as well have asked her in a foreign language because Meredith had no idea what she'd just said.

"What?" Meredith mumbled. Addison was crestfallen at the younger woman's single word response. Her brain was not reacting quickly enough. It was slow and she felt groggy. All of Addison's words had hit her brain like a pile of bricks. They'd hit, but bounced right off. "Slower, please." She said once she'd interpreted her girlfriend's expression.

"Meredith Grey, will you marry me?" Addison asked again, this time pulling the ring from her pocket and showing it to Mer. The blonde looked at Addison and the ring suddenly understanding.

"That's what you said?" Meredith asked. Addison nodded and much to her surprise the blonde grinned. "Yes Addie. Of course. I love you." The redhead returned the gesture and was grinning like an idiot as she slid the ring onto the blonde's waiting finger.

"I was afraid I'd lost you Mer. I love you so much." She said squeezing the blonde's side. Meredith had to keep telling her to speak slower her brain couldn't catch up to Addie's words at times, but just knowing Addison was there made it okay. Addison told her that she couldn't lose her, that she loved her and to never scare her like that again. Meredith nodded at the appropriate times and even apologized for scaring Addison, she hadn't meant to scare her.

"I love you Addie," Meredith mumbled as she snuggled into the redhead's side. Addie began stroking her hair lovingly as her fiancee closed her eyes. "I can't guarantee that I won't scare you," She whispered. Addie smiled.

"Just try not to drown or put your hand on any bombs again. And definitely don't get arrested again! I didn't appreciate having to bail you out of jail at 1 in the morning after your bar fight in New York last year." Meredith smiled again Addie's breast.

"You still love me," Mer whispered.

"Always." Addison kissed the top of Meredith's head and whispered for her to give into sleep and the blonde had surrendered shortly thereafter. Addison had been fueled by fear an hour earlier. She'd been afraid that she would lose the woman that was currently in her arms. She had been afraid that she would never get to ask for her hand in marriage, but now her fears had been erased. They were going to get married and with that in mind Addison drifted off next to Meredith.

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><p>Reviews make me feel all warm and fuzzy and it's starting to get chilly outside so I like warm and fuzzy very much<p> 


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